Friday, 8 June 2012

Fan Fiction: Her Pregnancy by Hiruni, based on Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon

Chapter 3


"Arnav ji! It's your parent's death anniversary! You have to go for the havan!" kushi pleaded with him for the umpteenth time.

"For the last time kushi, I don't care about the dratted Havan. Did you really think I'll leave you behind to go to that?"

Kushi's eyes filled with involuntary tears. A crisp word from him could always reduce her to tears. Why does she always fool herself into thinking she can persuade Arnav Singh Raizada to do anything?

Arnav watched her eyes swimming with tears at his hard words. He sighed heavily. If there's one thing he couldn't bear, it was her tears.

"Kushi I can't leave you behind alone."

"Yes you can Arnav ji. I'll be fine. It's a hospital after all. There are people here to get them for me if I want anything"

Correction. He didn't want to leave her behind alone. What sort of a husband did she think he was? He was incredulous that she even thought he might leave her to go to a pooja. The idea seemed absurd.

"I said NO. I'm not going to the havan. End of business. I don't want to talk about this any more."

She stared at him for a moment with her large tear filled eyes and nodded resignedly.

Arnav wondered what he's doing wrong. His deep standing insecurities at him not being a good husband to her was eating him inside, slowly but steadily. Especially after everything she had to go through at the hands of him he was constantly paranoid about how Kushi still felt about him. Deep down he couldn't shake off the fear that she regretted her decision to stay married to him. She could have easily left him. Why would she want to live with a monster like him anyway? Did she do it out of fear for him?

Maybe working too hard was her way of getting rid of thoughts of him, her way of taking her mind off having to live with him! Maybe she really did dislike him!

Now was not the time to delve on this though. He stared at her pale resigned face and made a quick decision.

"Do you really want me to go to this havan then?"

Kushi nodded her head.

"Fine I'll go if it makes you happy. But please Kushi. No walking around. Stay inside the room alright? If you want anything there the buzzer. Summon someone to do it for you. I'll let the head nurse in the floor know too just in case you needed anything"

Kushi nodded again. His heart broke at the thought of having to leave her even for a few hours. But if that's what she wanted, he'll do it.

"I'll be back as soon as the havan finishes"

"No arnav ji. You look so tired. Get some sleep and come in the morning to take me home. I'll be fine for the night"

"Yeah right. You think I'd leave you alone for a whole night? No ifs and buts Kushi. I'm coming back after the havan finishes. That's final"

Kushi nodded slowly. "Ok arnav ji"

He got up slowly off the bedside and bent down and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back as soon as possible"

She gave a watery smile and nodded again.

Last thing he saw as he turned around to take a glimpse of her before leaving the room was her looking wistfully out into the sky of gathering dark clouds.

---

 "mamma! mamma!"

Gasping Kushi woke up. Her heart pounded against her rib cage and she felt a bit of salt at the corner of her lips as if she had been crying in her sleep. The toddler's voice reverberated through her brain.

Kushi got up slowly off the stark grim white bed sheets.  Her eye lids weighed heavily with sleep as she walked bare footed across the empty room to the glass window. It was raining outside.

She had wanted to cry. Let the tears roll down her eyes leaving salty trails on her cheeks. But each time Arnav's warm hands enveloping her had managed to help her get a grip of her tears.

But now with the sudden silence, the empty room, the bleary weather outside and mostly his missing presence had achieved in cementing in her a melancholy that's too hard to shake off. A feeling of intense loneliness hit her hard.

She knew it wasn't the end of the world. Yet as she ran her fingers through the condensation on the window, a pain shot through her inner core as if she had been jerked by a hook from inside.

She had weaved many dreams of her first child.

She remembered the slightly dumbfounded expression on Arnav's face as she told him the news of her pregnancy for the first time.

He had stared at her for a long hard minute before pushing her to the wall and kissing her as he had never kissed her before. She had felt their equation changing right then and here. That kiss carried tender love, shear happiness, joy at the news of his emerging parenthood, a new found sense of awe and admiration for her; all the feelings he was trying to tell her but unable to put into words.

Arnav had always been a man of lesser words and more of actions.

But that night he had told her as he held her gently in his arms that he was overwhelmed that their love was able to create a child. She remembered seeing his light brown eyes sparkling with genuine pride and happiness. She was touched and more than gratified at his words; it was a sense of deep self satisfaction at making her man this happy.

 Although he never said much about it she knew he had started planning for their child's future from then and there. His eyes said everything about how much he was looking forward to becoming a father. And a wonderful one he would be. 

She remembered naani ji distributing money to all the workers and helpers of the house. She remembered how naani ji made special laddoos for her asking her to eat them thrice a day for a week. She remembered anjali di giving advice to her about proper ways to sit on a chair to all the necessary nutrient diets she must take during different stages of pregnancy to fussing over long lists of best gynaecologist in town that she must consult. 

She remembered seeing Arnav ji from the corner of her eyes, looking at her from afar, a proud smile curving at the bottom of his lips as he watched his family preparing for  the entry of the newest family member; their first child- the intense emotions of happiness in his eyes visible from even a distance.

She remembered sitting for hours thinking of little babies. She remembered feeling an overwhelming happiness at the thought to carrying the child of the man she loves.

And then Kushi broke down and wept; wept for their lost child; wept for their lost happiness; wept at the disappointment she had given to her family and most of all wept for the disappointment her husband had to endure even though it would be the last thing he did before he showed it to her.

A warm pair of hands engulfed her into a tight embrace and she knew her solace has returned. But no amount of his tenderness could possibly stop her as torrents of anguish slid down her eyes. 

---

Arnav had entered the room in the hopes of finding a well rested and sleeping Kushi but instead found an empty bed. Panicking he had looked around the room to find her crouched beside the window, her shoulders hunched over, shaking with uncontrollable tears.

His feet carried him to her as if in a trance and fell down beside her before scoping her to his arms like a small child.

 "Kushi shhh.." he made soothing noises as she cowered against him as if shielding herself away from an invisible force and clawed at his shirt as she cried her heart out.

He didn't know for how long they had sat on the floor near the window. Time came to a standstill and only her soft sobs and the feel of her against him existed.

Presently she stopped crying and hiccupped herself back to silence. When she revoked her voice up, the first thing she said stumped him.

"I'm sorry Arnav ji"

"Sorry? Sorry for what Kushi?" he asked her gently.

"Im sorry for disappointing you"

He stared at her astonishment. "Kushi we have already gone through this. Nothing you do disappoint me. Do you understand? Why is it hard for you to grasp this?"

Why is it hard for Kushi to understand that he is far from having any reprimanding thoughts on her? He had always known his past follies would come back to haunt him and this was one of those instances. She still didn't trust him enough to confide in him the full details of her feelings, she still considered him to be controlling and condescending, angry and unmerciful, sardonic and unforgiving. She still thought him to be a rakshas. 

"Damn it Kushi. I had told you once and I'm not going to repeat this again; stop making yourself feel as if you had done a crime. Don't you understand how I feel" he said hotly as he roughly grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

And there, he had proved himself then and again that he IS a rakshas.

He let go of her shoulders as self loathing poured inside him. He pulled her into a hug.

"Please Kushi stop torturing yourself. Haven't you gone through enough today? Haven't I proved again and again I would be with you no matter what? Why do you think I would be disappointed with you? You haven't done anything wrong. No one has done anything wrong. So why? Why do you continue to say this?"

She shook her head blandly and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I trouble you all the time"

 "You can trouble me all you want" he said running a hand in her hair and kissing her head. He needed to have a talk with her. But now was not the time.

"Come, let's go back to bed"

He helped her up as she slowly got off the floor and headed back to bed.

"Will you stay beside me until I fall asleep?" she asked tentatively as she settled between the sheets.

"I'll stay beside you all night"

Last thing she saw before she fell into a much calmer sleep was her husband looking over her as he sat beside the bed.

Next morning Kushi woke up to find Arnav dozing, sitting on a chair with his head resting on her bed in the most uncomfortable position anyone can choose. She ran a tender hand across his rumpled hair, tears filling her eyes.

"Arnav ji.." she said softly. He woke up with a jerk. There was dark stubble gathered on his cheeks and his crumpled cloths made him look extra dishevelled.

"Kushi! How are you feeling?" he asked quickly

"I'm feeling very much better Arnav ji" she smiled at him as she took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "Lets go home."

He nodded as he bent down and kissed her gently on the lips wrapping his arms around her protectively.

"I'm going down to get the discharge papers"

By the time they reached Shantivan Kushi was feeling a sense of trepidation at having to meet the rest of the family. She knew they would be sympathetic with her plight but the feeling of familiar settings would remind her too much of what she had lost.

Arnav helped her get down from the SUV and they walked to the front door but before they could reach to knock on the door, it was burst open by Anjali di closely followed by Naani ji and Payal.

"Kushi ji!" cried Anjali as she pulled her into a warm embrace, firmly maintaining a smiling face.

She was ussured into the house amidst the determinedly cheerful chatter of the ladies of the house.

"Ok. That's it. I'm going to take Kushi up to our bedroom. I don't want her stressing too much" said Arnav over all the talking.

Kushi was just about to walk towards the stairs when Arnav said in a clipped voice "what do you think you are doing Kushi?"

Before she could say anything he advanced over to her and took her up in his arms in one easy sweep, his toned muscled rippling beneath her shirt.

"Do you think I'll let you climb stairs? Until you are perfectly fine you won't be walking up and down these stairs without me"

---

by Hiruni

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NOTE: We Are Publishing This to Support Fans Works!
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3 comments:

Disha Sawlani said...

Oh gosh Love this FF! Great writing! :)

Mrinalini said...

Love it completely!!!

Excellent Job Hiruni! :)

Nami S said...

lovee itt !! thank you soo much .. keep it up, I can imagine it happening

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