Saturday, 2 June 2012

Fan Fiction: Her Pregnancy by Hiruni, based on Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon

Chapter 2

"Kushi! look at me. Kushi shhh" he pulled her in to his arms in a fierce hug.

 Arnav was at a loss of words. His mind was in an icy state of calm anguish and he didn't have much energy to utter words. Kushi continued to rock back and forth in his arms, her breathing uneven although no sound escaped her. He didn't know why he was hushing her when she wasn't crying. Maybe it was his own subconscious attempt at trying to control his internal weeping.

More than his own bitter disappointment, what was hard for him to bear was Kushi's. He knew she had weaved many a wonderful dream and having to helplessly watch them getting grounded to dust was harder for him than anything else.

Everything was his fault. Every single ordeal she had to face in her life is on accounts of him. The miseries she had to go through on accounts of that scoundrel right from the day he met her in lucknow to her lost hopes of a dream wedding, to all the sufferings she endured during the initial days of their marriage are due to his follies.

He had failed her miserably yet again. All the promises he had given her have fallen short of ever being full filled. He had failed to make her happy. He had failed to keep her smiling. He felt delirious and light headed. He wanted to carry her off somewhere and wrap her in his arms and keep her away from anything ever touching her again.

He didn't know for how long he had held her, enveloped by silence, each drawing comfort from the other. The mere feel of her against his thudding heart made him feel better. She was her salvage; his one source of energy. He still had her beside him.

Dr Segal's knock on the door cut through the silence. "Mr Raizada? Mrs Raizada? I would like to talk to both of you"

Arnav slowly let go of Kushi as he looked at the Doctor and nodded.

Dr Segal entered the room and sat down heavily on the bedside chair. He cleared his throat and began.

"Naturally miscarriages are hard to bear but it's is not an uncommon phenomena. Most women go through this ordeal more than once in their life time. Now Mrs Raizada I have been following your pregnancy for the past two months and I had specifically asked you to eat well and look into your nutrition diet"

Kushi nodded slowly, twiddling unconsciously with the frills of the bed sheet. 

"I had also asked you to take plenty of rest" Kushi looked away unable to meet the doctor's eyes. For the first time she felt her eyes welling up. It was her fault. She did not pay heed to his cautions, went right ahead and did everything he had asked her not to do.

"Mrs Raizada it's essential that a pregnant woman is stayed put and keeps her legs up.  The nature has given you the time off to rest and let your body get accustomed to the changes it's going to undertake. You must understand this and take advantage of it."

It was as if he had known she disobeyed him. Kushi nodded silently; unable to speak. She determinedly avoided Arnav's eyes.

"Now I must ask both of you to take precautions on a few matters. I discourage on another pregnancy for the next three months. Another pregnancy too soon might result in another miscarriage and even more serious health problems."

Kushi's heart thumped fearfully. Had she permanently injured herself?

" did this happen doctor? Is there something wrong with me? Or has something happened in me?" Kushi's tried to keep the edge off her voice. She got to know. She must know.

"No there's nothing wrong with you as far as your tests have revealed. We still need to clarify on a few other tests but rest assured there's nothing wrong."

Kushi simply nodded.

"Now Im prescribing you some iron replenishing tablets along side the usual vitamin supplements since you lost quite a bit of blood. Make sure you take them regularly" He peered at her over his horn rimmed glasses.

"I want you to sit down and take a good long rest atleast 4 to 5 hours each day day and no it doesn't count on your sleeping at night. No running up and down the stairs. No opening and closing of windows, that sort of thing'do you understand?" He asked her sternly.

"Yes doctor". Kushi said meekly.

"You are free to go home today but I would advice staying the night and leaving tomorrow just in case."

"Just in case? Is there anything we should worry about?" Arnav asked hurriedly.

"No no its just a precaution. There could be more bleeding or cramps around lower abdomen. Nothing serious. But staying is entirely your choice."

"we'll stay the night" Arnav said firmly.

"But Arnav ji there's going to be the havan'"

"I don't care about the Havan. There are other people who can look after it. You are staying here till tomorrow" He barked, his nostrils flared and a muscle throbbed dangerous at his jaw.

Kushi knew the warning signals when she saw them. It would be suicidal to argue with him now especially when it came to health related issues.

Arnav turned around and advanced on her the moment the doctor left the room.

"Kushi? You were working for this havan you were planning weren't you? How could you when you know quite well you should be resting?"

" ji..." her stammer feebly. The arrival of the rest of the family didn't stop him from giving her one of his signature frowns and turning away.

"Kushi bitiya!" naani was the first to hug her and kiss her head in sympathetic affection. The rest of the clan slowly gathered around her muttering their sympathies and kind words. Everything they said escaped her notice except for him. She wanted to talk to him, hold his hand and apologize to him for being careless and stubborn, cry on his shoulder and gain his warmth. She wouldn't be able to bear his wrath. He was the one source of comfort she had of which her existence depended. She wished the rest of the family would leave them alone.

"Patti sadi..mera matlab Koosi bitiya..we had warned you not to work too hard. This would never have happened if you listened to us. But you never seem to listen to what the elders say do you? You just go on doing whatever that pops into your head. What should we do'"

"Manorama! Whats the need to bring this up now? Kushi bittiya is ill and she needs our support and kindness right now. Not reprimands. Had you helped them more in the preparations yes maybe this could have been avoided" naani said angrily. This effectively shut off manorama maami's monologue yet the sticky silence that penetrated the room refused to dissolve.

Kushi looked up to see Arnav's heated gaze piercing her.

He only started to speak when they were again lone in the room.

"I knew it. Kushi how could you? I asked you, I pleaded with you, I said it in every possible way to make you take better care of yourself" he didn't look angry. He looked disappointed. And shattered.

Kushi felt an overwhelming sensation settle inside her. Her insides ached in anguish. She could take anything but not this Arnav ji. He could yell at her. Shake her hard. Push her, bruise her. But not be disappointed with her. It was the worst possible way for her to feel on an already horrifying day.

"please Arnav ji. Im so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I disregarded everyone's words'Im so sorry.."Kushi's voice broke. She was near to tears but she tried her utmost to control them. There was no space for tears. It was her fault and she will bear every punishment with silence.

"yes you bloody well should be sorry. What if something happened to you? What if I had lost you? Do you have any freaking idea what I went through when I saw you on my office floor in a pool of.." he stopped short unable to continue, his insides shrivelling in horror as images of his Kushi from the afternoon flooded his brain.

He took a deep breath to calm himself when the phone rang. Averting her eyes he picked it up.

"Make it quick Aman" he snapped into the phone.

"Im sorry sir. Im just checking to see if madam is alright. Everyone at office is still waiting and no has left for home in the hopes that we'll hear from you about her. Everyone's worried"

"She..she's fine Aman" Arnav could bear to put words on what he and Kushi went through that afternoon.  It was best they left it there.

"Oh Im so very glad sir. Everyone's so fond of madam so they were naturally very worried. Some of the girls were hysterical here. She looked mighty tired when she came in with the file. She told us she came in the bus because she couldn't find a rickshaw.  So I assumed I thought she must have been tired from coming in the bus. Rush hours sir. Buses get crowded at that time. I never expected Madam to fall this sick sir'"

Aman's blabber was instantly tuned off as Arnav stared at his wife sitting on the pristine white bed clutching a sheet as she looked at him with her large tear filled eyes. She came in the bus? She strained herself by traveling in those rattling contraptions on an excuse of four wheels to get him few pieces of paper? His heart flooded with remorse and affection for the tiny creature in front of her.

"She's fine Aman. Tell everyone to go home." He said a few brisk words before cutting Aman in mid sentence as he snapped close his phone.

 Arnav turned to Kushi with a purposeful air.

"You came in the bus? Why the hell didn't you come in one of the vehicles at home? Why am I paying for all those cars if you don't use them?"

His eyes glimmered strangely. Kushi shivered involuntarily. He was still angry and disappointed with her. She burst into tears unable to take his voice any longer.

"All the vehicles were out. I tried to find a taxi but I couldn't for a long time. I walked everywhere in the hopes of finding a rickshaw. But it was important for you to have the papers immediately so I decided not to wait for a rickshaw any longer and took the bus. I'm so sorry Arnav ji..please don't be mad at me! I can't bear it when you are mad at me!" Kushi sobbed, tears now pouring down her face thick and fast.

He stared at her wife, his shoulders slumped, hands balled tightly into fists. He was doing it again wasn't he? The one thing he would continue to regret for the rest of his life; the one thing he had nightmares almost every night- misunderstanding and judging her without listening to the entire story.  He felt like hurting himself for further hurting his already fragile wife with his unkind words. There she was trying her best to help him and he was reprimanding her when what she needed the most were his kind words.

He walked across to her in two long strides before pulling her in a bone crushing hug. "Shh enough crying. Im not mad at you. Far from it. I love you and I can never stay mad at you. You know that right?"

Kushi nodded like a small child against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"I should be the one to say sorry. I should have taken better care of you. I was caught up with my business work and neglected you. I wish I could be a better husband to you Kushi. I always seem to let you down"

Kushi broke away from his arms and stared at him with reproachful tear filled eyes.

"What did you just say? You are the best husband in the world. Please Arnav ji tell me the truth am I making you feel that way?"

"No Kushi you don't." He gently pulled her again towards him, his precious bundle; tightening her against the beating of his heart. He sometimes wondered if he really deserved her.

She felt herself relaxing against him, his heady masculine scent calming her down, his strong familiar 'Arnavji' presence reassuring her of his nearness, his protective arms around her.

She clutched at his shirt resting her head against his chest. She knew there would be troubled times. But she also knew that he would always be next to her, guiding her and helping her on. She sighed softly against him as she closed her eyes to the gentle rhythm of his thudding heart.


by Hiruni

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