Her hands twirled fast around the vat of oil, expertly shaping jalebies, while her mind willed away drifting in and out of focus. She needed a distraction from her own thoughts and making her favourite comfort food had always been better therapy than anything else. But not anymore.
Khushi felt physically as well as mentally frustrated. She was cooped up at home, her work temporarily put on hold due to Arnav's insistence. She always had past time activities to keep herself occupied, be it her catering service or her volunteering work for the local orphanage. She certainly used to have her work cut short helping Anjali di look after Anya but these days she hardly saw her niece.
Now she had nothing to do other than sit idly by her room, bored out of her wits. She was a woman of spirit. She certainly was not geared up to live at home, being a rich man's wife.
Although what rankled her more than anything was Arnav's seemingly lack of concern. He never spoke to her about the child they lost, never showed any hints of grief. His indifference to what should have been a distressing event in his life stumped her. His nonchalant attitude drove her crazy. Didn't he care even a little bit about her and the baby they lost? Khushi felt the familiar lump in her throat.
Besides he hardly spoke to her these days; working himself late into the nights and falling asleep almost immediately when he got home. It had been almost a month but he had not once held her in his arms, kissed her in fervour, made love to her.
"Uurrgghhh" she let out a frustrated cry, her body craving for his touch, affection- the feel of being wanted. She mentally imagined him moving over her, his body doing wonderfully scandalous things to her while gloriously ecstatic sensations wracked her body.
This didn't help her starved body. If possible it made things worse.
She needed to do something to get her mind off things and making Jalabis no longer helped. Frustrated, she slammed the spatula on to the kitchen counter before running up the stairs to her room to find Arnav pacing, worry lines etched on his face.
"Oh you're back early"
He nodded absent minded.
"Listen Arnav are you going to be home for the rest of the day? I was thinking.."
"Yeah" Arnav cut across her. "I had a lot of work pending and I wanted to draft some project proposals with Akash. But he wanted to come home early because Payal wanted to go some where so I was left with no choice.."
He stopped seeing the look on her face.
"Khushi whats wrong?"
"Oh nothing, nothing" She felt anger blazing inside her. "Akash is a wonderful husband to jiji after all."
He stared at her, puzzled by her menacing tone, his head raking in for something he might have said to upset her.
"eh yeah I suppose he is.. listen Khushi did you see a black folder beside the bed side table?"
But before he could continue she burst into tears.
"Yes I found it. I saw it and kept it in the dresser drawer. That's all I'm here for right? You don't want me for anything except find missing items for you right?"
She was now sobbing, large tear drops falling down her eyes. Arnav stared back at her perplexed.
"what the?"
"Yes that's the only thing you can say right?"
"Khushi..?"
She turned around and walked out of the room banging the door behind her.
Arnav ran a frustrated hand through his hair. She was constantly in an off mood, whatever he said annoying her to the hilt. She hissed out like an angry cat each time he came close. There was a time when he could pacify her with one wild tryst in the bedroom, but now he was actually nervous to even approach her. His paranoia about her still harbouring feelings against him, didn't help the matter.
It felt as if he didn't know her any more.
He had endured her cutting replies and formidable stares but this was a new turn of events.
He slammed the existing file on his hand and stormed out of the room only to be bumped to naani.
"Chottey, what's the hurry? Watch where you are going."
Arnav walked past absently not even realising she was there.
"Chottey!"
Arnav started and turned around to find naani frowning at him. "yes naani"
"Come with me."
"What the..? naani Im not a kid to be ordered around.."
"I said come with me chottey" naani gave him the sternest look she could muster before dragging him to her room and sitting him on her bed.
"Now chottey" Arnav could see she meant business, there was no denying that stubborn sparkle in her eye.
"Chotte, what is going on between you and Khushi bitiya? Just now I saw her sitting and crying in the mandir. Have you two fought again?"
"I don't know naani. I don't know anything anymore" his own voice of desperation startled him.
"what's happening? chottey you know very well she gets upset with your tone. Why can't you speak to her nicely?"
"Don't jump into conclusions naani. I did nothing. Khushi's always angry with me. Just now she picked up a fight for no apparent reason. I really don't know what to do."
"You did nothing? Maybe that's the reason"
"what?" he asked confused.
"Listen chottey. She had recently suffered something very difficult to be endured in a woman's life. There's a whole lot of emotional as well as physical aspects to her distress and being a man you won't even begin to understand the pain of loosing a child. Be a little more empathic and understanding to her plight, will you?"
"Naani do you think I haven't suffered? that I don't feel? That I don't care about what happened! And how would you know what she and I feel about this? This is nothing to do with you naani. I'll settle it out with Khushi" He didn't care if he was being rude. He was getting seriously miffed at Naani's tone.
"I would know since I suffered three miscarriages my self. And they are difficult. Very difficult. I was scared, ashamed and more than anything- in pain; physically as well as emotionally. Some times I didn't know who I am or what to do with life." her voice was quiet but icy. "But that is not the point. I know exactly what a woman go through in such a difficult phase. You have to be understanding and caring. Not shun her away. Plan things with her. Don't try to keep her away from your life. She's in a sensitive stage and she would take everything in the wrong light. Do everything to make her feel loved. That's the only thing you can do to help ease her pain."
---
Khushi stormed inside Anjali di's room. That's it. She's had enough.
"di! I want to see Anya"
"what? Khushi ji, what are you doing..?"
"I said I want to see Anya. Why are you not letting me see her? I haven't held her in weeks. I miss her."
"I..Khushi ji, she's gone out for a drive with Payal and maami"
"Don't lie di. You're purposefully making her stay away from me" Khushi began hotly, angry tears smarting in her eyes.
"I..Khushi ji no! that's not true."
"Then why haven't I seen Anya properly for the past one month? She's always either sleeping or taking a walk with maami!"
Anjali for a moment looked at a loss of words.
"I, I'm sorry Khushi ji. We thought it would be difficult for you to look at another baby after.." Anjali's voice trailed off.
"Di, that's..that's just.." Khushi spluttered, indignation bubbling inside her. "di How could you even think such a thing? I love Anya. She like my own daughter. Why would I feel anything different towards her now, just because I had a miscarriage?"
"well chottey thought it was for the best if you didn't see Anya for sometime.."
Indignation instantly turned to rage. Ofcourse! She should have known. How dare he interfere with whome she wants to meet and speak? What does he think she is; his property to be handled and manipulated and controlled?
Turning around she marched out of the room; anger boiling inside her in torrents. Arnav Singh Raizada! Who did he think he was? Stop her from seeing Anya! What troubled her was not the fact that he went behind her back and took such a decision without even telling her. It wasn't the secrecy, the going behind the back that angered her. What troubled her the most was that he thought she would be affected in such a way by Anya's presence. How could he think like that? Didn't he know her at all? Didn't he know that she would never harbour such feelings? The thought hurt her but at the same time made her so furious she wanted to break anything that came in her way.
"Arnav Singh Raizada!" Khushi muttered acidly under her breath as she stepped inside their room to be instantly slammed to the wall by a pair of muscular hands- hands of her dear husband.
"What do you think you're doing..?"
Before she could utter a single word she felt herself being crushed under his masculine weight with a hungry kiss on the mouth. No innocence. No gentleness. Complete dominance. Hard, unyielding and forceful; his tongue intruding inside her mouth without foreplay. Just as she liked. After weeks she finally felt alive; the deep consistently stagnant remains of her anguish escaping her mind for a second.
But then Anjali's words brought her out of the stupor like a douse of cold water. Now he's kissing her? Now? Wonder what changed his mind. She glared at him as she shoved hard at his chest and broke the kiss.
---
by Hiruni
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